


The Other Half

by 1f_this_be_madness



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Angry Roger Taylor (Queen), Angst, Brian is a photography nerd, Crying, Freddie's death is still major, Gen, Grief/Mourning, I'm Sorry, John's Birthday, My thoughts on Brian's Instagram posts and Roger's lack thereof, Photography, Swearing, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-09-18 22:08:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20320285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1f_this_be_madness/pseuds/1f_this_be_madness
Summary: Roger remembers the past. He cannot bloody forget it, no matter how hard he tries to move forward. But it doesn't help when he has a friend who seems to excel at causing old griefs to pop up and rankle. And others he misses terribly.(Or, what Roger could very well be thinking while Brian celebrates John on the erstwhile bassist's birthday)





	1. Chapter 1

_Another red-letter day..._

Roger wakes up thinking about it. Today is August nineteenth, and they're on tour. In New Orleans, Louisiana. Bugger.

First time his phone goes off he ignores it, pours coffee and sips leisurely before looking over his glasses at the notification and glowering. "Really, Brian? One of your swiping periscope photographs again?"

Brian May, a ruddy nerd even in his seventies, perks right up. "Ooh, d'ya like that one, Rog?" He questions, grey curls swinging as he comes over to lurk behind Roger's shoulders and point something out. "That's Deacy when we were playing in--"

"Oh sod off, Brian, I know when it was!" Roger snaps, jerking his phone away. "I just don't see why you have to put up so many bloody shout-outs on the internet when he's not even going to be LOOKING at it...."

Something falls in Brian's face, seems to break in his eyes and Roger very nearly apologises, but then Bri shrugs it off. "Eh, he might could see it, though. And even if he doesn't, I want to honour him and remember the four of us. Look at this little gem I found, hey?" He shows Roger a duo of pictures--one sepia, the other in colour of the four of them in New Orleans ages ago. "I'm going to post these later," the guitarist enthuses, "and go on a scavenger hunt to relocate the place we stood. Care to join me, Rogie?"

Roger rolls his eyes. "Yeah that's bloody TOP of my list," he says, sarcasm in strong evidence. And then in contrition he pats the other's arm and amends in a softer, gentler tone "No, thank you, Bri. You go on."

He does repost the set of pictures though.


	2. Chapter 2

_So the pound has dropped and the children are creating._

Roger scoffs at Brian's comment on seeming to have lost his mates, and yet when he thinks on those words again a little later, his eyes begin to burn with unshed tears. Freddie... Oh, Roger misses him desperately. He hears him sometimes. Still. Clucking and telling Roger to add a little more colour to his wardrobe, brighten up his life: "Your fashion choices have gotten so dark, so DULL, my darling! You are allowed to cheer up and to dress brightly, you know!"

Roger laughs with tears in his eyes. He does. He does know. But he can't do it. Just as he could not return to that lamppost with Brian, or create any posts wishing John a Happy Birthday. It hurts too damn much to look back.

He's got to keep moving forward.


	3. Chapter 3

_The other half ran away-- taking all the cash and leaving you with the lumber._

Roger has been left with the lumber, all right. Brian saying that he is going to drink a toast to John tonight--well, that does it. The drummer chucks his phone away from himself and stands, charging across his room and ripping open the door to the balcony. His heart feels as though it is breaking again, or cracking at the very least. Right in half. A sharp spike of agony drives through his chest. 

Roger wipes a hand across his mouth and chin, trembling. "Damn it," he spits. "Damn it to hell." Damn you, John, for leaving, and damn the both of us for letting you go. He should have said something back then; should have told John not to be a stranger, or that he wasn't getting rid of Roger--not without a fight. 

But Roger remembers the agony in Deaks' grey-green eyes that were always so expressive, and he had known any rebuke or any fight would hurt John even more than he already hurt. Would damage him irrevocably.

But Roger stands here tonight wishing. Longing. Yearning for his friend and hating it. He lifts an imaginary cup. "To John Richard Deacon, you right bastard." Roger's high voice cracks and wobbles roughly as he chokes on tears, closing his eyes. "Fuck, mate, I miss you." So much.

So bloody much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor dear Roger. He seems so angry to me still, so grief-stricken. As are Brian and John. I hope this comes off in no way disrespectful to any of them, as I completely respect all of their grief and the decisions they make as a part of or in response to it. 
> 
> The title of this piece and italicised words within are from "Friends Will Be Friends" by Freddie Mercury and John Deacon.
> 
> Please feel free to let me know what you think <3


End file.
